I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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