Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
