Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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