im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
