I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
