I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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