lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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