he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My dick has a subreddit
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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