she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
