Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
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started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
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He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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