Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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