I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
