He asked to "fluff my boner.."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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