its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
