I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
