you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
