you guys were way drunker than both of me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
