My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You pole danced in your parka.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
