I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
