i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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