I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
