Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
