There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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