what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
