do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
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Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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