My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
