you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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