it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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