Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
