i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
