i think my mom watched the whole time
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize