Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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