Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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