I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
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The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
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Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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