Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
