The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
