Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
