The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
