i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
