saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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