i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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