so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
