He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
