WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
