He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
