ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
