i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
