gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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