My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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