just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
