You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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