i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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