i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
