They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
