woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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