I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
