Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
