Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
