i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
