I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
