I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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