Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
