he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
